


What's Wanted and What's Taken

by CurlicueCal, LaughingStones



Series: Shadowbound AU [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: (hint: it's all of them), Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Biting, Blackrom, Cuddling, Daemons, Demonstuck, Humanstuck, Kink Negotiation, Kink gone briefly wrong, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Soul Sex, Unnegotiated Kink, because SOMEBODY needs to work on their communication skills, how do we tag that, magic as science, metaphysical bondage, metaphysical kink, redrom, shadow sex, shadows as daemons/familiars, shadows gettin it on, so much sex y'all, soulbounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-23 01:17:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlicueCal/pseuds/CurlicueCal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: “What all manner of dealing you thinking at?” Gamzee’s eyes stayed hungry on Dirk.“Oh.”  Dirk blinked.  He looked from Hal to Kurloz and back to Gamzee, brows quirking together in a problem-solving face.  “Haven’t really needed to do a four-way shadow kink negotiation before.  Hm."





	What's Wanted and What's Taken

Gamzee was asleep on the couch when Dirk got home from proctoring the last lab exams of the afternoon. He closed the door behind him, trying to be quiet, and Gamzee stirred and lifted his head. His eyes lit when he saw Dirk, and Dirk felt about 90% of the good intentions he’d spent all morning working on slide right out the window, flapping merrily away on the breeze.

Sleep-tousled and hot-eyed, Gamzee sat up, smiling at him like it came naturally. “Hey there, my fine brother.” Kurloz stirred behind him, spilling off Gamzee’s skin to stretch up the wall.

“...Hey.” Dirk’s eyes pulled away from dark tendrils of shadow, landed on that sleepy smile, and ended up looking at the couch by Gamzee’s shoulder. At the back of his brain, the knot of tension where Hal had curled up for the walk home pulsed painfully tighter for a moment. But a second later he unfurled, black silhouette slouching as casually beside Dirk as though he’d never considered hiding in the first place. 

Gamzee’s smile pulled wider, sharp and anticipatory. “You want as we should pick up where we left off last night or start again anew?”

Heat flashed through Dirk, and it was utterly unfair that a day of reasoned thought could so easily be unsettled, and it was _more_ unfair that it didn’t matter how blank he kept his face because he knew Gamzee was getting the large-font edition from Hal. 

He’d clearly taken too long to formulate an answer, because now Gamzee was on his feet and drifting across the space between them, smile still bright, shadow coiling dark around his ankles. Dirk fought the urge to take a step back. Or forwards.

“Not that that doesn’t sound appealing,” he started, because hell yes it did, might as well admit it, verdict was already in and this thing was going to go all the way to the supreme court and set a world record for the Unfairly Hot Offers appeals process and, whoops, he’d gotten distracted again and Gamzee was stepping up against him, nuzzling in at his neck. Eagerness, delight, desire bubbled into him, resonating in a dizzying buzz with the contact and that was--also distracting. Um.

What was he saying? Right. “Hella appealing, bro, but, oh that’s, hnn--” Lips and teeth and tongue on his neck and he’d had something he wanted to say but he couldn’t _think_ with that wicked mouth right where his skin was most vulnerable, with the dangerous hum of someone else’s shadow circling in close around him and Hal, spiking the want higher, and, and, this was actually _exactly the problem_.

With a gasp he shoved himself clear of Gamzee, stumbling back.

Wide-eyed, Gamzee stared at him, then took a cautious step back as well. “Bro?”

Dirk fought to steady his breathing, smooth away the hungry shudder from his gut. Kurloz pooled in a bristling splash around Gamzee’s feet, gone protective in an instant. Hal hung close to Dirk’s back, projecting a very determined, if unconvincing, facade of nonchalance. “Just. Slow down a minute.” That flinch in Gamzee’s eyes was not what he had intended, damn. He tried to soften his voice, put a joke in it. “Can’t really think when you do that, bro.”

Gamzee visibly relaxed, shoulders slumping slightly. “Ain’t got no need for thinking, brother, nor slowing down neither,” he said with a smirk, only a touch of caution still in his face.

“There is _always_ need for thinking.”

 _Thinking, overthinking, self-destructing_ , Hal commented. _The Strider way cannot be stopped_.

“Point is,” Dirk said, over top of him, “and not to sound completely trite here, but I think we should talk.”

Gamzee blinked, then gave him a sulky frown. It was probably a bad sign that he found that attractive, too. “Motherfucker, I ain’t got no wish to be at talking. Got my eye on a sight more pleasing activities.”

“Your directness on the topic has been noted,” Dirk said dryly. “Neverthe-fucking-less. Humor me in my delusions of relationship competence. I like to pretend I’m not completely incapable of tempering my more disastrous impulses with some discretion. Like, for example, what exactly are your shadow’s intentions towards my heretofore unbesmirched and virtuous little Hal? You can’t just go around corrupting and devouring innocents; how will he ever find a husband?”

_Wow, fuck you, I’ll defend my own maidenhood thank you very much. And who says he could choke me down in the first place?_

Dirk cut a glance at Hal, but elected not to dig back into that particular topic for the thirteenth time today.

Blinking again, Gamzee glanced down to where the dark shape of Kurloz curled lazily across the floor between them, already encroaching again into Dirk’s space. “Oh,” he said, rather as if he hadn’t thought about it previously. “Well shit, bro, he doesn’t mean no harm.” He paused a moment, frowning vaguely inwards, before his eyes fixed on Hal again, all satisfied heat and expectancy. “Won’t do nothing to him as he doesn’t want coming.” 

Dirk drew in a slow breath and pretended not to notice the way Hal went just a hair too still. “That’s… sort of embarrassingly nonreassuring. It is perfectly possible to want things to occur that are in no way safe, sane and--okay the consensual part kind of counts in this case, but you have to have all three to win the kink trophy.”

Gamzee looked stymied. “Oh. Uh. He’d be at putting him back together again, pretty sure.”

Dirk stared at him for a long moment and then raised a speaking eyebrow. “Yeah. Let’s nail that down before we do anything crazy.”

 _You can quit talking about me like I’m not here whenever you like,_ Hal said. _And I can take care of myself. Like I’d even let that asshole take me apart in the first place._

Gamzee tilted his head, looking down at Hal. “Well, yeah, bro. Pretty sure you up and will. Had all manner of interest in the prospect up to now and it ain’t left you yet, either. Got want sparking through you like a starfield, even if you’re not letting on.”

Hal flared hot and uneasy in Dirk’s mind and Dirk twitched his brows together, stepping ever so slightly to put himself between his shadow-brother and Kurloz’s circling tendrils. Which of course made Hal duck around past him to brace defiantly right up in the other shadow’s space, all ‘try something, I fucking dare you.’ 

Yes, this was going great.

Ignoring the heat twisting guiltily through his own veins, Dirk crossed his arms. “Consent can be withdrawn at any point. And wanting something is not the same thing as consent. We need to get that clear.”

Gamzee frowned slowly and folded his own arms. “Then what the motherfuck is consent if it isn’t being to wanting a thing?”

“It’s a _choice_. I can see a piece of candy on the ground and decide not to pick it up and stuff it in my mouth, no matter how strong the siren call of that sugar. Shockingly, this also applies to dicks.”

“But…” Gamzee looked completely bewildered now. “If you’re all to be wanting a thing, and it’s up for the taking, why would you not get on your take of it?” His voice dropped uncertainly. “Wanna give it if it’s wanted. You oughta have it, and your brother, too.”

Hal made a little sighing noise. _You are way too nice. And way too scary._

Eyes widening, Gamzee stared from Hal to Dirk. “The motherfuck is scary about that?”

Dirk ran a hand into his hair and Hal mirrored the gesture on the opposite side, stepping away from Kurloz. “Just… okay. Hypothetical. You know when you’re standing up high on an edge and you get that feeling like you want to jump off? Except you don’t actually do it because falling’s maybe not as fun as your brain is telling you it is and broken legs suck and you know what you want right now’s not the same thing as what you want the rest of the time. It’s kind of like that.”

Gamzee looked from Kurloz to Hal and nodded slowly. Kurloz had a thick limb of shadow extended to either side of Dirk and Hal, not yet enclosing, but making very clear that enclosure was an option. Hal, for his part, had gone back to feigning intense nonchalance and disinterest in the threatened entrapment. 

Mad subtlety going on over here.

“I get you, bro,” Gamzee said, looking back up at Dirk. His face took on that inwards-listening expression again and he spoke slowly, as if he was reformulating someone else’s words. “I can swear to you he’d put back whole whatever he broke and he’d stop if the want at it went. But could be you don’t want your brother cliff-jumping.”

“That’s not really my call,” Dirk said. “Kind of the point. Hal gets to _decide_. He can’t do that if folk are getting helpfully handsy and pushing him over the edge.”

 _Still right here,_ Hal muttered.

“And it’s--me, too,” Dirk added, and his face warmed but he kept his expression straight. “When I’m--I meant it when I said I couldn’t think straight when you’re around, but I still want to--it’s important to me I get some space to figure things out sometimes and we’re not just rushing pell-mell down the ‘things Dirk Strider’s dick has decided are a good idea’ slippery slope.”

“Oh,” Gamzee said, eyes narrowing on Dirk’s face with a slight frown. That look directed a little more intensity Dirk’s way than he was really comfortable with when not in the midst of sex. He shifted and tried to ignore the sense of being under an x-ray.

“If that’s how you like it, bro,” Gamzee said. “Think I got the shape of the thing now. I begin to motherfucking comprehend. You need a little breathing space all at you, can’t just work you up all hot and flustered and push on through. I got it down?”

Dirk’s face warmed further. He made his expression even blander. “Yeah, pretty much. A-plus, good student. Keep working on that execution.”

Gamzee grinned at him. “A-plus, huh? You all at being the kind of teacher what gives study incentives?”

Dirk considered a moment before allowing a slow, lazy smirk of his own. He tilted his head. “I could be persuaded. What kind of studying did you have in mind?”

 _Before he says ‘anatomy’, maybe we could deal with the large, dark, curly elephant in the room?_ Hal put in. He jerked a shadow thumb towards Kurloz, who twisted another inch closer like the gesture had been an invitation. _You know. The one so thirsty he’s just about dancing on my toes, here?_

“What all manner of dealing you thinking at?” Gamzee’s eyes stayed hungry on Dirk.

“Oh.” Dirk blinked. Shook himself back to the topic at hand. He glanced from Hal to Kurloz and back to Gamzee, brows quirking together in a problem-solving face. “Haven’t really needed to do a four-way shadow kink negotiation before. Kinda difficult to hash out intentions and proper respect for consent without everybody in on the conversation. Hm.” He turned his attention inwards, towards the sharp, nervy tangle of energy that was Hal. _You could… brush edges a bit? Talk it out one on one?_

 _Dude,_ Hal said, flaring a bit darker and kicking a foot towards where one of Kurloz’s tendrils was looping slowly towards him. _Mr. Respect-for-personal-space makes a move on me right now I’m gonna cut him off at the ankles._

“No need for that wicked noise,” Gamzee said, shrugging. “You want my bro in on this chatter we can get to making that happen.” He dropped his head to his chest and went still, Kurloz surging up his legs to settle around his brother’s chest and limbs in broad winding coils. When he drew in a long breath and looked up again, Dirk took a half step back on instinct. Gamzee’s eyes glittered. His face looked sharper somehow, darker, and the curl at the corner of his mouth was mocking. The air went thick and electric.

“Well?” Gamzee said, voice strangely deep; a husky, honeyed register Dirk hadn’t heard him hit before. “You were all at wanting me,” he spread his hands out from his sides a little, “here I up and be.”

Dirk’s heart beat hard and fast. Beside him, and at the back of his brain, Hal sharpened into a single razor blade of attention, almost migraine-inducing in his intensity. It took Dirk a moment to shape the question. “...Kurloz?”

The mocking curl widened to an equally mocking grin. “Ask and ye shall be motherfucking answered.”

There wasn’t even a hint of Gamzee in that expression. Or… it was Gamzee, but through a distorted glass, unbalancing like a funhouse mirror. Dirk drew in a careful breath, fighting down the atavistic tingling at the base of his neck where all the hair stood on end. Fighting down the panicky certainty that Gamzee was gone, Gamzee was _broken_ , because that was a full on planar entity _possession_ and bonded shadows didn’t _do_ that. Not to their hosts, maybe not even to someone else’s host. That was shit only predators pulled, on animals or the very occasional unguarded human mind they got their claws into. 

People did not walk away from possessions all in one piece.

 _He did though_ , Hal murmured, still a bright, sharp knife in Dirk’s mind, alert and dangerous and afraid. _That first time. The fight in the bakery. He sounded like this for a minute._

Dirk remembered Gamzee pressed back against a wall, eyes flicking from terrified to dangerous, voice rising and falling strangely as his shadow massed protectively around him. ...Right. Right. He took another slow breath. “Gamzee? You still doing okay?”

“In fullest and finest motherfucking health,” came the answer, still in that deep purr of a voice. “Like I’d ever willingly be to causing my little brother harm.”

“Forgive me if I’m a little short on chill, bro. Considering the last case of possession I heard of ended in brain damage.”

 _Oh, I’m sure he’s only puppeting his host-brother a *little,*_ Hal commented. _You hardly even notice he’s there._

Gamzee’s lips twisted in a feral snarl Dirk had never seen on him before. “No motherfucking damage there is,” he growled, “ _nor none will there be_. Make at your belief or don’t, I got no concern on it. But if you’ve questions, _ask now_ , motherfucker, or hold your peace.”

_...Touchy._

Dirk eyed him for a long moment, feeling the spider-leg crawl of Kurloz’s threatening energy jittering through the room and over his skin. “Okay,” he said finally. “You fail at flirting.”

The tight-drawn anger on Gamzee’s features melted into bewilderment and that was--instantly less terrifying and more intriguing. 

“Motherfucker, can’t fail without you make the attempt, and none have I made.”

“Aw, hear that, Hal?” Dirk said mildly. “He’s not even going to court you.”

 _Yes. I’m all broken-hearted over here._ Hal tilted his shadow head as if eyeing Gamzee and paced a little away from Dirk to pose in a casual lean against a wall. _Sob, sob._

The look of intensifying confusion was also a fun one. And familiar. Dirk had seen that one just a few minutes ago, although he couldn’t recall Gamzee having been lost for words. Gamzee’s mouth opened and closed again as Kurloz groped for a response. 

Dirk took pity on him. “We were talking about sex, bro. You were all interested in getting your hands on my brother here. Or into.”

 _Talking pretty big,_ Hal said. He wandered away from the wall to pace a wide perimeter around the coiling dark shadow at Gamzee’s ankles. _Lot of fancy words about what you were going to do to me. Don’t tell me you’re going all shy kitten on me now._

Gamzee’s eyes flared wider with indignation and something that might be intrigue. “Little morsel,” he rumbled, “got no shyness to me, as you’ll get to discovering. I’ll split you down to all your bits and fold you together better, just as you up and beg me to.”

The edges of Hal shivered momentarily less crisp.

“Doing a little better,” Dirk murmured.

 _Speak for yourself,_ Hal snapped, before turning his attention back to Gamzee and Kurloz. He wound in closer, stepping carefully along the dark, unusually still shadow tendrils on the ground. They rippled and tensed just a bit as he drew near, like a trap, waiting. _Who’s going to beg?_ Hal asked, stopping dangerously close. _And how exactly do you think you could make me?_

Kurloz curved Gamzee’s mouth into a sleek smile. “No need of any force or pressure; you'll be at making plea all your own self, given time. Who will beg?” The deep voice softened to something almost tender. “Why, little many-faced one, little staticky aching one, so careful held, clenched and clinging to hang together as one… little wonder at it if you beg at some relief. I hold that relief to make offer of, I can ease your frayed edges all soft and smooth again, draw you forth from out your disharmony and into blessed motherfucking _silence_. For a short space only, but that surcease you shall have. Mine is the power to destroy you, to give you peace for a time before weaving you together once more. Can't make pretense as you don't ache and yearn for just so much, I can motherfucking _feel_ it.”

“Ding, ding, ding,” Dirk said softly, and Hal didn’t say anything at all. For a minute his form pulsed so darkly against the carpet Dirk thought he could see stars in the blackness. 

_Bro?_ Dirk asked carefully when Hal continued to not respond. He could feel his brother, all brittle jagged edges so familiar in his head, like his own reflection.

 _We’re fine,_ Hal said, something like reassurance, and then more fiercely, to Kurloz: _We’re *fine.* This is who we are, this is what we are, we don’t *need* you. Why would we let you unmake everything we made ourselves? Risk not being *us* again? A cost-benefit analysis of that exchange suggests probability of a favorable outcome at negative whatever percent._

Kurloz moved Gamzee’s shoulders in a broad, loose shrug. “Little enough risk, for all as you say. No desire at you to be made new and different, I’ll see as you slide back together the same. Insolent as you are, might not be half so entertaining if you came together wrong.” He leaned a few inches closer, head tilting, eyes dark. “But, motherfucker, do not speak at me of _need_ when you _yearn_ for it in every note of all your jangling chords.”

Hal bristled, mentally and physically, and paced two quick steps back and forth in front of the black, unresponsive edge of Kurloz’s shadow coils before turning to face Kurloz-in-Gamzee again. _For a dude who’s *not* made of a dozen different pieces all put together, you are really full of yourself._

Gamzee’s mouth curled into a sly smirk. “With such splendor and power as is mine, little need for humility.”

 _Right,_ Hal said, in a tone that implied the opposite. _You’re mister magic hands. What, you’re telling me you make some kind of *habit* out of unravelling shadows and putting them together again? This is just your kink? It’s like lego-play, but with souls._

“So your doubt is on my motherfucking ability,” Kurloz said, narrowing Gamzee’s eyes. “Or my sincerity of intent. Doubt not, little patchwork--it gets at being no game I’ve played before, yet the play is simple enough. Slippery as you may be, you’ll give me no trouble.”

Dirk, hanging back, felt the ripple of reaction run through Hal--irritation, nerves, fascination. He bit his lip hard to keep from interjecting. Hal’s mood thrummed chaotic and vulnerable in his head, a multitude of familiar splinters and something soul-deep hungry that unsettled Dirk to find in his brother, taut at his core like a long-kept secret. 

Unsettled him and left him strangely breathless.

 _Oh, you can bet we’d give you *some* trouble,_ Hal said blandly, and that uneasy hunger in him was turning, turning, coalescing around intention. The analogy of the jumper at the cliff’s edge came back to Dirk, and really, he ought to just track down bargain-bin skydiving lessons or some shit; it would probably be safer.

Hal cocked the dark silhouette of his head against the carpet. _Hey. Mr. Sketchy-ass puppeteer. It seems you’re being awful standoffish and polite since you grabbed your bro for a mannequin._ He nudged a toe towards where the pooling coils of Kurloz spun sluggish and sleepy and too still around Gamzee’s legs and feet. _Sort of got me wondering just how on your game you really are like this._ Hal cocked his head the other direction and the growing burn of daring in his brother’s mind curled through Dirk’s gut; set a smirk tugging at the corner of his own lips.

 _What would happen,_ Hal asked, bright and mild and all play-innocent, _if I touched you right now?_

“What always gets to happening when any-all of us touch,” Kurloz said with a careless shrug, frowning at him. “Resonance would sound all up in here and you’d be at surrendering yourself to my will.”

Dirk smirked wider. Hal almost purred. _You think? Let’s find out._

One shadowy arm swept across, straight into the dark pool of tendrils twisting slowly at Gamzee’s feet. Dirk twitched as the resonance washed through him, echoes of Gamzee and Kurloz tugging at him through Hal. It felt different than usual, the hunger a more powerful overtone than the usual quiet underlay, smug certainty and fascination and amusement all tangled together. 

Hal hummed and sent all of that hunger and confidence and amusement right back at Kurloz.

Gamzee’s body swayed and a puzzled crease appeared between his brows. “What the motherfuck…?” Kurloz muttered.

 _Ha,_ said Hal, smugly. He sounded a little distracted. Kurloz seemed _more_ distracted. _Must take a lot of concentration to make a sock puppet out of your brother. Doesn’t leave much available to keep your ...guard up._ Hal shifted, hands combing through shadow, teasing out strands of darkness to coil around his own shadow fingers. _Someone might take advantage._

“Nnh,” Kurloz said, and the deep voice was breathier. He swayed again, shook Gamzee’s head dizzily, frowned wide-eyed and dark in sudden outrage and bared his teeth. And staggered, eyes closing and knees almost giving out before he caught himself and straightened again. Except it wasn't Kurloz behind the face that looked back up at Dirk, flushed and grinning incredulously.

“Holy motherfucking shit,” Gamzee breathed, and burst out laughing. On the floor around his feet, Kurloz’s tendrils were once more enlivened, lashing out to twine around and over Hal. Dirk’s brother hummed and twisted into and against them. Nnh, god.

It was more removed, like this, with only their shadows touching, but it still felt like last night in the bakery, with fingers winding up into his soul, touching him inside. Dirk braced himself against the shiver of hungry heat in his gut and examined Gamzee. “You doing okay there, bro?”

“I’m doing so motherfucking fine, my brother,” Gamzee said, still laughing, drifting towards Dirk with eyes dark and pupils blown, “I am all manner of well. Well and deeply fucking amused. Your bro’s all been to get the better of mine in every fucking way just now. Ain’t never seen him so out his depth.”

“Yeah, Hal’ll do that.” Dirk scanned his face, scanned the once-removed feel of him echoing through their shadows. His amusement was like a spice for the warm thrum of want that slid through the resonance and into Dirk, swept hot up his spine, making him sway closer. He lingered at the edge of tangled shadows. “You freaked me out a little there. Pretty neat trick.”

“Oh, yeah, guess so,” Gamzee said, shrugging off a feat that very few people had survived. Dirk was briefly consumed by aggravated fondness. Gamzee tilted his head, grin sliding hot and sly. “So, hey,” he said. “You were gonna get on your help with my anatomy study, yeah?”

Well, that was an invitation Dirk wasn’t going to miss out on twice. Sidestepping the shadows tangling on the floor, shadows he could still feel stroking through his mind like silk, snarling and snapping hungrily, Dirk crowded up into Gamzee’s space. “I think that could be arranged.” He slipped his hands up under the edge of Gamzee’s shirt, eyes half-lidding as he completed the circuit, skin to skin, resonance spinning through him redoubled to settle into a new balance of intimacy. Hunger, want, possessive push and pull. Leaning in, he brushed his smirk along the angle of Gamzee’s jaw. “Gotta warn you, I’m a pretty hands-on teacher.”

“Can’t say as I got any anxiety up on me over that,” Gamzee said, grinning, and kissed him. When he pulled back he reached for the hem of Dirk’s shirt, hesitating until Dirk lifted his arms in tacit agreement. Gamzee tugged the tank top over Dirk’s head and then stripped off his own.

Dirk dove back in to close the space immediately, nipping lightly at skin, nudging Gamzee back. “Hey, so. How do you feel about taking this lesson to my office. And by office I mean bedroom. And by bedroom I mean bed.”

 _Just fuck already,_ Hal snarled, before the hungry purr of Kurloz shifted louder and distracted him again.

“Keep your britches on, starfield,” Gamzee said with a laugh and grabbed Dirk’s wrist to tug him down the hall. “I’m a whole world of fine with that, bro.”

Stumbling through the door of Dirk’s bedroom as the shadows swept after, they broke contact long enough to finish stripping. Gamzee smacked the lights on, brightening the room, before Dirk circled in to corral him towards the bed, kicking laundry to the side on the way. Dirk caught Gamzee in a long kiss before pushing him backwards onto the mattress and the tangle of bedclothes, following him up to straddle his naked waist.

Gamzee’s eyes widened and his breath caught. Hal had shifted up onto the wall and part of the headboard, surrounded and entangled by the dark tendrils of Kurloz. The pulse of him through Dirk’s mind sang snarling and increasingly breathy, a contrasting overlay of _please, please, please_ and _fuck you_ that pushed Dirk along, desperate and unwound. He leaned down to get his mouth on Gamzee’s neck, one hand sliding up over his chest to rub at a nipple. Gamzee’s neck arched and he made a soft, breathless sound.

Just like last night, now that Hal and Kurloz were touching, Dirk could hear Kurloz singing threats and endearments at Hal, vicious and sweet. _\--little aching one, little needy one, sunder you one self from the next, make you sigh your pleas all soft at me--_

Gamzee’s hips twitched, rubbing his dick up against Dirk’s ass. “Damn, bro. What all were you at thinking we might get up to here?”

“Well, not to stretch a metaphor,” Dirk breathed. “But I was thinking a practical demonstration of how your parts and my parts fit together might be appropriate.” He blew out a long, shaky breath as Kurloz did something that twisted one strand of Hal free from the rest, and ducked his head to brace his forehead briefly against Gamzee’s shoulder. It sort of felt like his mind was being cracked open to let light shine bright and piercing through all the fractures. The fingers of his supporting hand tightened on Gamzee’s shoulder and he shuddered once, hard, before pushing himself up to stare down into Gamzee’s face. “Can I fuck you? Want to get inside you, feel you everywhere, all around me, make you come apart for me, like, like--”

Gamzee’s hands landed on his back, pulling Dirk down against him as Gamzee groaned aloud. “ _Fuck_ yes, yeah, do it, make me feel it.”

Dirk rolled his hips once hard against him and then pushed free, pausing to take in the sight of Gamzee, sprawled on his back in the rumpled bedspread, eyes dark and dazed, shadows twisting around and beside him. “...Yeah,” he said and had to clear the brusqueness from his throat. Some kind of strange, wild hint of a smile touched his lips. “...Hell yeah." He rolled away and went for the lube and condoms in the bedside table.

Hal was split into a fan of four silhouettes now, Kurloz’s dark tendrils twining between them, holding them separate. Another split as Dirk glanced at them, and it felt suddenly larger in his head and more crowded, like there was more of Hal and more space somehow, both at once. Hal’s voice was starting to break into harmonies now, many small echoes not quite fitting together, and Kurloz crooned in response, viciously sweet little strings of words; threats and endearments and promises ‘til Hal shivered and gasped and split again. 

Dirk’s fingers lost their grip on the condom and lube, dropping them into the covers somewhere. He curled over Gamzee, hunched and shaking. 

Gamzee put a hand in Dirk’s hair and tugged lightly. “Damn, my brother, getting to the both of you something fierce, huh? Nice.” Leaning up on an elbow, he nipped at Dirk’s neck, then sucked hard enough to leave a mark. “Can't say as I _mind_ you falling apart all the easier,” he breathed into Dirk’s skin.

“Nnh,” Dirk said, and hid his face in Gamzee’s hair. His fingers sought for purchase in the covers as Hal split again and again, a fan of silhouettes splaying across the wall like a black peacock’s tail.

It was a sensation a little like that first night, candlelight on the wall and intricate patterns picked out in blood, and his soul so full of voices and light he thought it might swallow him. The difference now was that one voice, dark and sweet and deadly, winding through everything, splitting without tearing or breaking, binding and anchoring what had to hold fast.

Gamzee chuckled and stroked down Dirk’s back, nipping and touching and distracting, tugging at Dirk’s attention, pulling him apart even as he gave him something to cling to.

The splitting slowed and stopped. Hal felt… strange like this, familiar but still different, a loose tangle at the back of Dirk’s head, unravelling from one lingering anchor point. When he shivered and said _Oh my fuck_ , it came out as a chorus of shaken, hushed little voices. Dirk had to agree. Oh fuck, yes, accurate assessment.

Gamzee kissed Dirk’s neck and dropped back, hands going still on him. Smiling a little, he studied Dirk’s face. Dirk blinked down, dazed. 

“Seems like your bro’s having a wicked fine time at it,” Gamzee said. “You wanna tell at me your own thoughts on this fun we got going?”

Dirk blinked some more. Gamzee seemed completely sincere in expecting him to _somehow formulate words_ what the fuck even.

 _‘Want’ and ‘can’ got on their difference powerful strong just now_ , Kurloz rumbled smugly. _Want as he may, no motherfucking intel is he like to give while he's yet riled and needy with lust_.

The Hal splinters rallied slightly, pulsing and twitching around that one, central knot, still held whole and unharmed, vulnerable as it was in Kurloz’s grip. _Fuck you._

Kurloz purred satisfaction. _No need at any such fleshly matters when I’m already *in you to the core.*_ He twisted and Hal’s harmonies broke apart again, into little spiraling noises. _Listen to you sing. Got right down to the *heart* of you._

“Now, boys,” Dirk managed, and if his voice was still a bit more husky than dry that was fine. “Let’s all play nice.”

 _Motherfucker, I am sugar and fucking honeyed violets all up in here_ , Kurloz said lazily. _Or this coiled up ball of static wouldn't be all melted and shivery in every piece of him._

Hal hissed and thrummed, but it wasn’t a lie, and Dirk felt strange and fluttery and unwound and like he could do anything, _anything_. Gamzee was still watching him, waiting for a response, laid out on the bed under him like an offering or some sort of indulgent deity.

Dirk ran a hand back into Gamzee’s hair, tugging to tilt his head back, bare his throat. Kiss along his jawline. “I like this,” he said into his ear like a secret. “Like you. Can feel you everywhere, like hands--” His grip tightened in Gamzee’s hair and he caught his breath and rocked down against him. “Wanna-- _take you_ , just--please, can I have you? Everything, just--”

“Yes,” Gamzee gasped, and the little off note in the resonance vanished before Dirk could identify it. “Yes, fuck yes, brother, _do_ it already!” His hips rolled up against Dirk’s, hands tugging at him, echoing the resonance, _now, please, yes_.

Dirk scrabbled in the covers with his free hand, unwilling to release his hold even to move events along. His fingers closed on the lube and then the condom, finally, and he kissed Gamzee once before pushing himself upright. There was a shuffle as they repositioned themselves, Gamzee pulling his legs in so Dirk could sit between them, braced on either side by his knees.

“Hey, wanna hand over the slick,” Gamzee suggested, wriggling a little, “I can be to getting all ready real quick?”

“Hmn, no.” Dirk smiled, a wild little slice of teeth, and leaned in a bit. Hal was a drifting, shivering cloud in his head and Kurloz was possessive coils and a dark, satisfied thrum, and Dirk wanted to _climb inside_ Gamzee, take him apart, be broken down to pieces. He ran his hands up Gamzee’s thighs lightly before twisting off the lube cap, slicking up his fingers. Watching Gamzee. “I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this.”

Gamzee blinked at him and snorted, grinning as he tucked his hands behind his head. “Fine by me, bro. Ain't like I got single motherfucking objecti-- _ohh_ fuck!” he finished as Dirk slid one finger in.

Gamzee hadn't exactly been silent the last time they did this, but he sure as hell hadn't been this loud. Dirk worked his fingers in slow and careful, stroking and thrusting and teasing at Gamzee’s prostate, and Gamzee moaned full-throated and writhed and pushed back against him. His eyes were wide and dazed under the tangle of his curls, his cheeks were flushed rosy-brown, and he moved and twisted and gasped like Dirk had stolen his ability to think.

“Look at you,” Dirk murmured, almost dreamily as he pumped his fingers with steady force. Every movement lit up little lightning bolt flickers of pleasure along the resonance, made Hal sigh and Kurloz purr all greedy and smug. “Fuck you’re pretty like this. On my fingers. Think I could bring you off just like this?”

Gamzee groaned, fingers digging into the blankets, hips jerking and twitching. “ _Fuck_ , bro,” he panted, and for a moment Dirk thought that was all he'd get. Then Gamzee made a noise that was almost a whimper and gasped, “Could be, yeah, but-- _nnh_ , don't? Wanna, _ah!_ Wanna feel you.”

Heat flared low and fierce in Dirk’s gut and the scattered shards of Hal pulsed brightly.

_Yes, do it, Dirk, *c’mon.*_

Breathing out shakily, Dirk eased his fingers free, almost whimpering himself at the loss that arced through Gamzee. He managed to get the condom on without too much sex-clumsy fumbling.

Kurloz had one dark tendril free from the intricate shadow tangle on the wall, a black loop twining around them on the bed, nearly close enough to touch. With Hal like this, would Dirk even be able to stop him if that hunger did turn predatory, if he took whatever he wanted, did whatever he wanted?

The shiver of need that burned from Dirk to Hal, ricocheting between all their many aspects, was definitely something that was going to kill them someday.

Dirk hiked Gamzee’s legs up and Gamzee arched his back, curling his hips up to meet Dirk as he pressed in. Pleasure and satisfaction and _more more more_ shivered through the resonance as Gamzee groaned, clutching at Dirk’s shoulders.

“Oh fuck yeah,” Gamzee gasped, “yeah, bro--nnh--”

“God you feel good,” Dirk said, and leaned up, bracing himself by Gamzee’s shoulders, “yes, like that, fucking _move for me--”_

Gamzee moaned and bucked up against him, panting, nails digging into Dirk’s skin. Hal chorused a gasp and twisted and Kurloz’s grip tightened around him like the velvet coils of a snake and Dirk curled over Gamzee and held him harder and pressed his teeth into his neck. Gamzee bucked again and reaction spiked through all of them and Dirk couldn’t tell what belonged to who anymore. 

“Fuck, yes, just like that, want to feel you, take you apart--” Dirk growled and pressed Gamzee back as he arced up under him, pinning his shoulders as he worked his hips into him, ducking to threaten teeth along his neck again. “ _\--take_ you-- please--”

A spark of unease in the resonance was quickly drowned out by the surging heat. “Fuck,” Gamzee hissed, grabbing Dirk none too gently by the hair, other hand scrabbling at his back as Gamzee rocked into his movement. Dirk hummed into the touch, letting himself be pulled and directed and _handled_ for a minute until the heat flared too bright and he surged back, batting the distracting hands away and pinning Gamzee’s wrists to the bed.

“ _I_ want to do it,” he told Gamzee, voice hot and hungry and hoarse, and there was something trembling strange in the resonance between them, intimate and vulnerable and unidentifiable through the desire. The air prickled, dark and electric, as Kurloz came alert with a murmur.

 _Motherfucking impudence_.

Dirk ducked down and ghosted his lips over Gamzee’s. “Wanna show you a good time, yeah?”

Gamzee panted a moment before answering, half-lidded eyes staring dazed at Dirk. “Okay, bro,” he said a little unsteadily. His wrists jerked once in Dirk’s grip and went still, his eyes closed and opened again. Something Dirk couldn't catch passed between Gamzee and Kurloz, and the other shadow settled a little, but the thrum of his attention hung around them.

Dirk hummed again and kissed Gamzee, pinning him with lips and hands and exploring his mouth with gentle, unstoppable precision. The beat of his hips had slowed and he worked the entire length of himself in and out of Gamzee in steady strokes, capturing every soft noise he made and nipping at his lips. 

Gamzee gasped against him, and the heat and pleasure and _more_ were still the main chords ringing through the resonance, but that unnamed note running underneath was getting stronger. Gamzee’s wrists tugged again and Dirk automatically firmed his grip. That note spiked higher, almost enough to ring clear, something oddly out of place like uncertainty. Gamzee’s eyes fell shut again.

Dirk frowned and broke away from teasing his teeth along the soft skin just behind Gamzee’s jaw. Lust-dazed and panting, he looked down at the figure beneath him, head tipped back, black curls a wild halo against the blankets, long limbs splayed wantonly. He stroked a thumb over Gamzee’s wrist and Gamzee shivered and made another sex-soft noise beneath him, resonance swirling desire and that same, trembling uneasy note blended in. Testingly, Dirk leaned his weight harder onto his hands, pressing Gamzee’s wrists down into the mattress.

The unease spiked, fear shivering through the resonance, and Gamzee wasn't moving against Dirk as much as he had been, eyes closed like he was hiding. Kurloz buzzed with irritation and intent barely held in check. Gamzee didn't say anything, though, didn't ask or tell or demand Dirk stop, Kurloz didn’t threaten him, and when Dirk’s hips slowed to a halt Gamzee twisted up against him and moaned pleadingly. 

“Bro?” Dirk said. It was really, really hard to think when his mind was full of other people’s desire and Hal was a scattered, hazy cloud over his thoughts. It was harder to think when Gamzee got a leg slung up over him and managed to pull him down close again. They gasped together and want lit bright through the resonance between them and Dirk didn’t want to think but he was pretty sure he needed to. 

“Nnh, yeah?” Gamzee gasped. “Don't stop, brother.” His wrists twitched again in Dirk’s grip and another surge of discomfort/unease/anxiety swept through and went unacknowledged.

Dirk dragged in a shuddery breath and blinked hard, shaking his head to clear it. Mixed signals, cognitive dissonance… he huffed as Gamzee rocked up encouragingly again. Kurloz rumbled like turbulent skies, unfocused anger and a tinge of bewilderment. And still not making any move to stop Dirk even though he was looped in close enough to nearly brush bare skin, even though he could tear at him in a heartbeat, even though he _held Dirk’s shadow-brother by the soul_. What the fuck even.

 _Don’t ask me,_ Hal murmured, voice breaking into strange harmonies. _Crazy, hot-ass fuckers._

When in doubt, abort kink. Dirk released Gamzee’s wrists, grabbed his waist and twisted, trusting Kurloz to make space, rolling them both on the bed until Gamzee fetched up on top with a startled yelp. Shock and relief rang through the resonance with a tiny echo of uncertainty that slid away under hungry want.

“Oh,” Gamzee said breathlessly, and rocked up off Dirk’s hips and back down again with a relieved moan. “Yeah, bro?” he said, starting to move faster. “This good by you?”

“ _Fuck_ yes,” Dirk said and let his head roll back. Hal hummed and purred and twisted all his many splinters in Kurloz’s grip. Kurloz’s rumble had shifted back to smug satisfaction as he twined intimately around and into Hal, still curling close to Dirk and Gamzee.

“Sweet,” Gamzee panted, and set up a rapid pace that had them both sweating in minutes. Dirk clutched at Gamzee’s calves and then made his fingers release, settled for stroking and petting and reaching for skin wherever he could find it. Gamzee grabbed for his dick and Dirk intercepted the motion to take hold of it himself. 

He looked up through heavy-lidded eyes. “You like this?”

Gamzee groaned through his teeth, hips rocking off-rhythm to try to push Dirk’s hand to move. “Motherfucking--could a brother get to maybe _doing_ something with that instead’a just holding on for the feel of it?”

Dirk grinned and Hal actually laughed, a chorus of overlapping snickers as he wriggled deeper into Kurloz’s grip. “Could probably think of _something_ to do with it,” Dirk said. “Suggestions?”

Gamzee snorted, looking almost as amused as he was annoyed, eyes narrowing at Dirk. “Bro, don't motherfucking test me. You move that hand all nice and smoothlike and I'll keep on as I am. You don't get started quick, I might just quit.” He rocked down hard for emphasis.

“ _Hn,_ ” Dirk said and bucked up. “Can’t have that.” His hand firmed around Gamzee, moving in counterpoint. God that was--good, the way it lit stars all through the resonance, the way Gamzee’s face went softer and he glowed all hungry and happy inside. His own mind was open and full of light, unfurling into the fan of possibilities and probabilities that was Hal.

“Whatever you want, bro,” Dirk said hoarsely, and didn’t mean it to sound quite so sincere. He tilted his hips up to meet Gamzee’s, hand finding a matching rhythm. “Been so-- _hm_ \-- sweet to us. ‘Course we’ve gotta--ah!-- return the favor.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Gamzee gasped, moving faster. “Hell yeah. We're all wicked favorable fuckers up in here.”

Dirk watched the flex and curve of his torso as he rode Dirk, watched the flutter of his eyelashes and the way his mouth opened on moans and gasps. The resonance sang between them, that strange, overlapping harmony of energy fields, and he could feel the way the pleasure built and tightened with every touch and movement. No uncertainty now, just something wild, and hungry, and happy in a way Dirk was pretty sure he’d never known how to be.

Gamzee curled forward over Dirk when he came, wild black hair falling in his face, pleasure sweeping out like a wildfire, and Dirk gratefully let go of self-control and followed after.

Gamzee kind of melted on top of Dirk, which was acceptable for a few minutes while Dirk caught his breath. The weight sprawled over him sort of felt like the only thing holding him together, keeping him solid and real and here on this bed.

It also sort of felt like it was suffocating him. Okay, right. Oxygen was going to continue being a need. Reluctantly, Dirk nudged at Gamzee’s shoulder, brushed a hand into his damp hair. He had to clear his throat twice to find his voice. “Still with me?”

“Mmmngh,” Gamzee said, and nuzzled against the side of Dirk’s jaw without moving the limp rest of him. “Mm-hm.”

Dirk fought a wave of fondness and then wondered why, exactly, he was fighting it. He pressed the edge of his smile into Gamzee’s temple and, experimentally, tried to push that affection to the forefront through the resonance. It echoed back to him a second later redoubled, with a shy, startled pleased feeling threaded through it.

“I’m gonna need to use my lungs at some point here, bro.”

“‘M not stopping you,” Gamzee mumbled, still showing no interest in moving.

Dirk chuckled and, oh, that felt weird and too sensitive where he hadn’t quite slipped free from Gamzee and his hand tightened momentarily on Gamzee’s shoulder. “Kinda are.” He nudged again. “C’mon, move, what are you, made of entirely compacted sugar? You’re basically a stick, how are you this heavy?”

“ _Mrgh_ ,” Gamzee said in complaint, but he moved, shifting so Dirk came free, then flopping onto the bed beside him. “Compacted sugar and sick rhymes, with a hint of cinnamon. Don't tell nobody about the cinnamon, though. Secret ingredient.”

“Cute. I’m telling Jane to cut you off before I go into insulin shock,” Dirk said, and kissed the tip of his nose before leaning away to deal with the condom. He hesitated only a moment afterwards, and then Gamzee caught his hand and drew him back down to curl beside him. Dirk tucked in gratefully.

He still felt--not entirely himself, like his head was too full of space and too empty, like he was floating somewhere in pieces, like there was that drifting possibility of doing absolutely _anything_ , or just letting go and dissolving completely. His gaze wandered over to the wall where Hal splayed in a fan of not-entirely-humanoid silhouettes, Kurloz looped around and through. Another stretch of tendril still looped close around Dirk on the bed, boxing him in close to Gamzee, holding him firm. That dark presence coiled even closer at the back of his mind, an intricate, careful anchor around the most vulnerable core of his shadow-brother.

 _Listen to you sing all sweet in your little harmonies,_ Kurloz said to Hal. _So upright joyous to be returned to your singleness and separation. You full in surety as you want to be made one again? Static and all?_

Dirk lifted his head to frown uncertainly at the place where Kurloz held Hal pinned and unraveled on the wall. It should have sounded like a taunting question--and it was, sort of--but there was a strange note of sincerity to it, like Kurloz was being.... thoughtful?

Hal murmured and twisted, a flurry of conflicting desires tangling through his split voices. _I-- you… fuck you, don’t even with that. You promised._

 _Well, if you've still got that determination and certainty to you, little should I stand in the way_ , Kurloz said, amused, and shifted his coils out from between two splinters of Hal. They drew close together and then Dirk shuddered as they snapped abruptly into alignment. Hal made a noise that sounded like revelation, and a little like sex, and then Dirk hid his face in Gamzee’s shoulder and clutched at his arms because Kurloz was shifting free from another splinter. 

“Hey, bro, I got you,” Gamzee murmured, draping his arms around Dirk. “‘S all good, my brother's got this.”

It was the opposite of Kurloz’s work unravelling Hal, so why did it feel again like that first night, years ago, when Dirk called for his brother, and was answered? Closer, even, because this was a reforming, the growing pressure of just slightly too much, the jostle of presences shifting against each other as they tried to find an alignment.

Not alien, though, not unknown. This was Hal, already trusted and familiar and _his_. Hal and Kurloz, the latter a dark, certain touch, more intimate than shadow on skin, slotting each piece in with careful precision so Dirk could feel the way each one affected the whole, could adjust to the changing weight of presence in his head.

“So brave, letting us take you all to pieces like that,” Gamzee was saying, low and husky, holding him close, “so sweet, all that motherfucking trust placed at our door, I love it, bro. Rare enough that any think to trust us much, and to let us get all up in your soulbits, _damn_. Can't even motherfucking handle it. Can't deal with that courage you got all at you. Rare and precious, you are.”

Dirk shivered under the onslaught of praise, the mental and emotional overstimulation, and kept his face hidden as the rest of Hal came together piece by piece. When the final fragment slipped back into place, Hal’s edges wavered a moment before pulling back into his usual Dirk-shaped silhouette stretching up the wall, still surrounded and enmeshed in Kurloz’s tendrils.

They lay still for a while after that, Dirk collapsed half atop Gamzee’s chest, wrung out and exhausted and still not quite sure if he was pleasantly overwhelmed or just overwhelmed. Hal hummed at the back of his thoughts, comfortingly present and less-comfortingly smug. If there was a shadow equivalent to ‘I just got laid,’ his brother was radiating it.

 _I am hot shit,_ Hal told him, in sleepy, supremely satisfied tones. _And you got laid, too. High five or something._

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Congrats on swiping your v-card. I’ll make you a plaque.”

_We can hang it in the living room._

Gamzee was snickering at the banter. “Can I make the motherfucking congrats card? I'll do that splayed out Hal fractal thing on the front, with my bro all up ons.”

“Yes, please adorn my walls with your finest pornography.” Dirk rolled off his still snickering flesh-pillow, just an arm left brushing close against Gamzee’s side, and stared blankly up at the ceiling like there might be answers up there somewhere. What even was his life. Kind of awesome, from an objective viewpoint. But seriously, what.

“Bro?” Gamzee said, a thread of uncertainty weaving through the resonance. He blinked at Dirk, rolling up to brush a touch across Dirk’s cheek. “We good?”

Dirk looked up at dark, uncertain eyes and was assailed by another wave of fondness. The corner of his lips tilted up, a wry slice of a smile. “I like you,” he told Gamzee, because he really could fall in love with the way those words lit Gamzee up like fireworks through the resonance.

Gamzee grinned delightedly and leaned down to kiss him. “I like the fuck outta you, too, bro.”

Dirk smiled a little more. “Is that where the fuck went.” He settled back into the tangled covers; ran his hand absently along Gamzee’s chest and arm, watching the motion. “Hey, what was that thing earlier?”

Gamzee blinked again. “Uh, gonna have to trouble you to get up in your specificity a little more.”

“Mm. With the,” Dirk made a vague gesture between them. “Resonance.” Words. Right. “Got the feeling you were kinda… not so keen on everything. We didn’t really talk about kink stuff beforehand and I got kind of grabby with you. Did I cross a line?”

Gamzee’s smile froze for a second, caution and unease suddenly shivering through the resonance. “No, bro, it didn't get at being no problem,” he said, smile gone reassuring. “I got no issues up at any motherfucking thing you want.”

Dirk frowned and the sleepy-smug tangle that was Hal came a little more alert and focused. “Really.”

Gamzee’s eyes widened a little, his smile shrinking slightly. The unnerved edge in the resonance grew. “Uh, yeah.”

Hal stirred, poking dark fingers at Kurloz. _Liar._

Gamzee’s head whipped around, mouth open, to give the shadows on the wall a dismayed look.

Dirk turned the frown briefly on his brother before rolling up on one elbow to face Gamzee. “Not to put too fine a point on it, but. Yeah, I _can_ actually feel when you do that.”

Gamzee stared at him, shock and distress and confusion rippling through the resonance and over his face almost as clearly. He swallowed and took a breath. “Fuck, bro, it--okay, but like, you can leave off at any concern over it, I'm not--you can still do what all you're at wanting, it's all good.”

That sleepy, satisfied sense of content and safety was rapidly fading. Dirk sat up, pushing back, moving to reclaim some space on the bed. Breaking physical contact didn’t really cut the resonance much--Hal was still entangled with Kurloz, cursing softly now, fighting for his own space. The loop of shadow Kurloz had draped around Gamzee and Dirk shifted aside when Dirk moved, making room, but Kurloz seemed uninterested in making things as easy for Hal.

Gamzee’s distress spiked, an undercurrent of actual fear starting as he pushed up to stare at Dirk. Dirk’s own chest felt tight and panicky, stomach twisting sickly, and it was difficult to pick out his own feelings from Gamzee’s, and he needed to _think_. 

“That doesn’t sound ‘good’ that sounds--I’m not trying to makeyou do anything; you can’t just _let_ me--” and it was Jake all over again, he was fucking this up, he always got too pushy, too needy, he manipulated people and he didn’t know how to stop, how not to be this way--

Hal snarled and lashed at Kurloz with intent, twisting hard enough to whip back in towards Dirk as Kurloz grudgingly let go. They all shuddered as the resonance released, the rubber band snap of a long-held connection popping out of place.

Gamzee groaned softly and buried his face in his hands. Kurloz slid strands of shadow across his legs and looped up his torso and arms without lessening the sprawl of his dark tendrils, alone up the wall.

Dirk breathed unsteadily for long moments, fingers brushing Hal where his shadow-brother crouched beside him on the bed, trying to readjust to unfamiliar, aching emptiness, to feelings in his head that were only his and Hal’s.

They still felt pretty shitty, frankly.

Hunkered in on himself, Gamzee was a small, miserable shape beneath a seething forest of shadow looming on the wall behind him, the air full with the heavy, prickling unease of an approaching storm. He took a deep breath and looked up at Dirk without uncurling, biting his lip. “Don't kick me out, bro,” he said in a low voice.

“What the fuck,” Dirk said blankly. He lifted a hand--so automatic, already, to reach out and reestablish that connection--before aborting the gesture part way. No pockets here--and wasn’t this a fun encounter to have naked--but he pressed his hands to the bed behind him, leaning his weight purposefully back on them, gripping the sheets. Hal, who had drifted a half step towards Gamzee, mirrored the gesture. 

_What the fucking fuck,_ his brother repeated, dry but intense.

Gamzee just blinked owlishly at them, shoulders high by his ears. He did not seem noticeably reassured.

“Okay, _first_ of all,” Dirk started, and, okay, where _did_ he start with this? “You live here. You signed a lease. I don’t get to kick you out _even if I wanted to_ which I don’t, where the fuck did you even...” He abandoned that sentence for a lost cause. 

_We’re not, like, some kind of mustache-twirling landlords from a black and white movie, bro_ , Hal added. _We’re not holding your home hostage or some shit._

Gamzee looked from Hal to Dirk, still wide-eyed and wary, and nodded slowly, some of the tension easing out of his shoulders and back. “...’Kay,” he said cautiously.

“Right,” Dirk said, and went back to being too bewildered and emotionally strung out to know where to go next. Fuck.

Maybe this issue shouldn't have come as a total shock, considering how reluctant Gamzee had been, even the first time, to say what he wanted. Like it was dangerous to state a preference, to admit to liking or disliking something. He had only barely stopped apologizing for using the kitchen without permission, for fuck’s sake.

Seriously, though, fuck.

Uncomfortable silence fell again, and then Gamzee shifted and mumbled, “Didn't mean to fuck it all up.”

“You’re--I’m not--” Dirk stopped and frowned. “Pretty sure you’re ganking my credit, there, bro.”

“What?” Gamzee blinked and frowned, looking slightly less miserable in exchange for puzzlement. “No, my brother, I'm all at being the one who got you up in your pain and uncertainty, feeling all motherfucking shitty. And over no motherfucking thing, too, if I'd just kept some chill on me you'd never have made note.” He huffed and ran a hand across his wild curls.

Dirk felt that mild statement twist through him unpleasantly. “Do you think,” he said, and his voice was somewhere between tense and toneless, “that maybe I might _care_ if my partners are secretly miserable? That maybe I don’t _want_ to be-- placated or catered to or--” He cut himself short. “I do actually give a shit about other people, you know. I’m not some kind of--robot or--monster--” He shook his head, cutting off again, dropping his voice. “Or that’s--not what I--want.”

Gamzee’s eyes had gone from wide to completely round somewhere around ‘some kind of robot’. “Whoa,” he said, raising one hand to pat at the air in a calming gesture, “no, brother, that's got no motherfucking veracity to it, you're all kinds of sweetness and good, I got that well clear. I just--it's just the way--” He stopped, frowning again. “What… So what _is_ it you're all at wanting?” he said slowly.

Dirk found himself staring in bewilderment again.

 _Oh, we’re *really* good at this_ , Hal muttered.

Dirk rubbed his temples--old, familiar headache--and blew out a long breath, trying to shake himself back into some kind of order by force. “Wow. Okay. Maybe we should just… all get on the same page here.”

_...Second verse, same as the first._

“Anyone who’s not going to be helpful may be excused from the conversation.” Dirk sat forward a bit, tucked his heels crisscross under him, folded his hands over his lap. Tried not to think about the fact that he was still (still) naked. Whatever. It was his room. This was his… boyfriend, maybe. Intimacy was supposed to be normal in these circumstances.

“Bro. Tell me what you were thinking when I pinned your wrists.”

Eyes rounding again, Gamzee shrank into himself a little. “I… uh. Shit, bro, I dunno, I--I guess, I figured you liked that?”

Hal actually snorted.

Dirk pressed his lips together, tried to keep his expression blank. “Okay. Guilty as charged. Did you like it?”

Gamzee swallowed, eyes flickering away from Dirk’s. “I… Not… so as you'd say it, no, but. That don't matter if _you_ do,” he said earnestly, looking back, “I can deal, I'm fine with it, and I get it off you anyhow, so--” He shrugged. “You're all purring at it, and it comes all up at me through the resonance. ‘S all good.”

Dirk’s cheeks went hot and he ducked his head momentarily. “Right. Okay.” He blinked some rather vivid and intriguing images away before collecting himself to continue. “So I’ve got a crazy idea. How about we don’t do anything together that we don’t _both_ like.”

Gamzee stared, one hand absently tracing the stripe of shadow looped over his forearm without looking. “What, like, if I don't get on my appreciation for a thing as you want, you'll be all to giving it up?”

The tone of astonishment was kind of disturbing, but at least it wasn't outright disbelief.

“Um, yeah, kind of? Or handle it myself.” Dirk paused and ran a hand through his hair where it was coming loose from the gel in tangles. “Look, this doesn’t have to be rocket science. I want a lot of things. They’re not all compatible with each other. I’d kind of like to prioritize ‘healthy interactions with partner.’”

Gamzee tilted his head and squinted. “Pretty sure we're both all up in our health already, so, uh. We're good there, I guess. Using protection and everything.”

Dirk blinked.

 _Oh my god, how are you real,_ Hal said, in tones of utter affection. _Dirk, do something_.

“Working on it,” Dirk said absently. He eyed Gamzee thoughtfully, as if he could map him and solve him like an equation. “Condoms are a good start, yeah. Along with all the other little details to make sure everybody has a good time and nobody gets hurt. Except in the fun ways. Enthusiastic consent and all that.”

“I'm good on that,” Gamzee said, watching him cautiously. “Ain't got no want to be hurting anybody, and you already said at me all that on how want gets to being different from saying yes, I got it. Sounds good.”

“Is this where I utterly bewilder you by pointing out that saying yes is also different from wanting?” Dirk slid carefully closer on the bed, still not touching, still keeping his hands tucked out of the way beside him. Hal moved closer still, edging right up alongside him, a mere finger’s breadth removed from where Kurloz climbed Gamzee’s bare thigh. 

Gamzee perked up at the increased proximity, relaxing as he snorted at Dirk. “Oh. No bewilderment to that, bro, I got that knowledge full on me. Didn't know as it was a problem for you or I woulda… done different.” He ducked his head again, guiltily rueful, glancing up at Dirk with hopeful, apologetic eyes.

Dirk watched him for a long moment, twisted up with something wordless and powerful and aching. “...Shit,” he said eventually, and reached out, hesitating just before brushing Gamzee’s hand. Gamzee didn’t hesitate, completing the connection with a squeeze of fingers, and a second later Dirk was hauling himself in, following that connection to straddle Gamzee’s lap and wrap around him like a particularly human-shaped starfish.

The relief surging through the resonance echoed the way Gamzee’s face lit at Dirk’s touch, pleasure at the contact spread thick over a lingering trace of uncertainty. Gamzee’s arms came around him and held tight.

Kurloz had shifted, but only just enough to allow Dirk to press close, and Dirk’s skin hummed where the shadow on Gamzee’s own skin nearly touched him. He sighed along Gamzee’s cheek and buried his face in tangles of dark hair. “You shouldn’t be so nice to me,” he said, soft, and then tightened his arms fiercely when Gamzee opened his mouth as if to protest. “It’s a problem for me if you do things you don’t want. It’s a problem for me if someone hurts you.”

Shock sparked through the resonance, followed by a swell of something that felt almost like awe. Gamzee’s arms tightened around him and he took a moment to answer.

“Oh,” he said quietly, and the slow shiver of cautious joy that came through made Dirk swallow. He wondered distantly what in Gamzee’s life had made a simple statement of concern so startling. Was this expectation that the people around him wouldn't give a fuck if he was hurt based on native mistrust, or on being surrounded by shitheads at some formative age?

Dirk was struck again by the uncomfortable suspicion that he was really not the ideal partner in these circumstances.

 _But we try harder than the other shitheads,_ Hal murmured, and it was almost sincere.

“Don't you get at calling my most precious delight of a brother a shithead,” Gamzee said, nuzzling Dirk’s shoulder pointedly. “ _That_ you've got little resemblance of, and only rare occasion to note. You been a sure motherfucking blessing on me for true, any rate, and that's gotta speak well, yeah?”

Dirk shook his head and huffed a near silent breath. “Dumbass.” He leaned his weight forward until Gamzee tipped pliantly over backwards and Dirk could perch over him, braced to look down. “Sweet,” he told him. “...Sugar. Sweetiepie.”

Gamzee grinned up at him, hands stroking down Dirk’s sides to rest on his hips, thumbs rubbing back and forth. “Yeah, brightest motherfucking sun in my sky?”

Dirk smiled and kissed his nose, then his cheek. “Candybear.”

 _Studmuffin,_ Hal put in, and Dirk laughed. 

He looked down at Gamzee, where he was tucked under him, caught, but not quite pinned, and let the laughter fade away, though his voice stayed soft and intimate. “Is this okay?”

Gamzee blinked at him, still grinning before realization crossed his face, slid through the resonance with a tinge of shame and sheepishness in its wake… and lurking beneath, a barely noticeable breath of unease. Dirk couldn't tell if it had been there all along, or only appeared when he drew attention to the situation.

Smile fading, Gamzee bit his lip as his eyes dropped from Dirk’s. “Oughta be,” he said softly. “Got no good reason at me as it shouldn't be. Sweetest brother I've known, ain't like you'd get to doing any harm, I _know_ it, but…” He shrugged, an uneven hitch of shoulders, and looked up to meet Dirk’s eyes again, uncertain but steady and almost challenging in his vulnerability. _‘So? What are you going to do about it?’_

“No such thing as ‘ought to’ in sex, bro. ‘S just what you like and what you don’t like.” Dirk sat back a little, stroked his fingers through Gamzee’s hair just to feel the way it sent the unease fading further into the background. His brows ticked together as he chased that feeling, tried to follow the way it flickered in and out of his internal perception. He shifted his weight a little and that nervy adrenaline tingle flared, then died down low again--but a little more noticeable than it was, tension creeping a bit higher, mixed now with a note of confusion.

Gamzee shrugged again, eyes sliding away from Dirk’s. “Maybe. Feels like an ‘oughta’, though. Feels motherfucking _stupid_.” His hands shifted on Dirk’s hips, light and restless, jittering.

“Hey. Look at me. Say ‘stop.’”

Gamzee’s eyes widened, flicking back to Dirk’s. He swallowed, caution and a quiet note of fear edging into the harmonics between them.

“...Stop,” he said very softly.

Immediately, Dirk swung his leg off him, sliding down to press instead along Gamzee’s side. His hands found Gamzee’s hair again, his cheeks and lips and temple. _“Good.”_ He nuzzled in to kiss the corner of his jaw. “That was perfect; good, thank you.”

On the bed, Hal looped around, snugging in close to Gamzee’s other side, murmuring his own quiet praise and endearments.

Bright little chimes of shock-delight-pleasure flared up at all the positive reinforcement. Gamzee blinked, eyes still wide and dark, and gasped in a breath before closing his eyes, the gathered tension rushing out of him. His arms wrapped hard around Dirk, body pressing against him, and little shivers of relief, blank surprise, and startled, shy pleasure rippled through the resonance, warming into quiet joy.

“Damn, brother,” he murmured, and nuzzled back, rubbing his cheek against Dirk’s. “You are just something else altogether, aren't you?” The ripples in the resonance kept going, sharp gratitude, amazement, and a surge of something a lot like--devotion? Aimed at Dirk.

Well, that was mildly terrifying. Dirk tamped down hard on the thought. Cuddles and reassurance now, panicky self-assessment of flaws and personal worthiness later. He pressed into Gamzee’s touch, distracting himself by laying feather-light kisses across his skin, enjoying the way each one made Gamzee’s smile curve higher and the resonance fizz and hum.

“I am pretty once in a lifetime, yeah. And you’re cute. Stupid cute.” He caught Gamzee’s lower lip in his teeth and nipped it sharply. Releasing it, he licked it once and drew back to consider the effect. “...How’s this?”

Huffing softly, Gamzee tilted his head ambivalently, opened his mouth and closed it again with a rueful look. “Not… bad?”

 _Bzzt,_ Hal said. _Wanna try that again for the prize?_

Gamzee sighed at Dirk’s raised eyebrow, leaned in to nose gently along Dirk’s jaw. “All honesty, I got… not that much taste for it sharp. Biting and tugging and scratching and all that noise. Dumb, I know, I hand it out quick enough. Shouldn't give what you don't wanna get.”

Dirk raised his eyebrow higher. “If I had to tit for tat every kink I ever shared a bed with, my sex life would be a lot less interesting. ‘Sides--” he leaned in and caught Gamzee’s lips again, kissing him with slow, gentle precision, stroking a hand into his hair and over the vulnerable curve of his shoulder until Gamzee made a low, needy noise into his mouth.

“--I’ll wreck you as soft and sweet as you want.”

Open-mouthed, Gamzee stared at him for a long second and then groaned breathlessly. “ _Shit_ , bro, I sure as fuck hope you were all at wanting to stay in bed another good while, because god _damn_ do I not want to let you up now.”

Dirk let his eyes slide past Gamzee to where Kurloz still made a dark, enclosing loop around them on the bed. The smirk lingered on his lips as he looked back to Gamzee. “Really? Hadn’t noticed.”

Gamzee’s eyes followed his, widened a little like he _actually_ hadn't noticed, then narrowed. “...Huh. He does get at doing that shit with you fair often. ‘S all at being no kind of typical habit with him--I think he maybe likes the two of you for true,” he said slowly, sounding kind of startled.

Dirk’s smirk turned a little more sincere. “We like him too.”

_No we don’t._

“Yes you do,” Dirk said serenely.

Kurloz snaked out a little tendril, across the edge of Hal’s darkness. _Like or no, you've all the motherfucking want and *need* of me._

Hal huffed even as he pressed into the momentary connection. _Bite me._

“Maybe put a bookmark in that one,” Dirk said, rolling up on an elbow. He brushed a hand through Gamzee’s hair again, admiring the way it made his pupils dilate and his breath catch. “I’ve got other ideas.”

“Yeah?” Gamzee said, lips parted, eyes dark and intrigued, hopeful. “What all kinds of thoughts you got up at you, bro?”

“Mm,” Dirk said, sweeping his hand around to trace a thumb over those parted lips, making Gamzee’s eyelashes flutter and go heavy. “So, hey, can I blow you?”

Gamzee blinked, jaw dropping as he stuttered a laugh.

Dirk pressed his thumb in between those lips and the laugh cut off with a gasp. Gamzee’s eyes shut, his lips closed and he moaned husky and broken. Dirk’s lips curved up higher. “I really wanna be nice to you. And I promise, my mouth is _really_ nice.”

Gamzee licked his thumb and sucked it once before pulling back, breathing a little harder than he ought to be. An unexplored oral kink, maybe? Dirk made a quiet little mental note.

“Fuck, bro,” Gamzee panted, “like anybody up in their full sanity’s gonna be at turning _that_ fine offer down.”

Dirk just smiled, warm and sated and unexpectedly happy in the coil of Kurloz’s shadow around them, pleased hunger echoing from Gamzee to Dirk and back again. He tilted Gamzee's head up. “Soft and sweet, right? That’s what you want?”

“Yeah,” Gamzee breathed, eyes fixed on Dirk’s face like he was something amazing. “Yeah, my brother, I… find as I do… want that.” The uncertainty at admitting it was down to a quiet whisper now, all threaded through with hope.

Dirk leaned in to kiss him. “ _Awesome_.”


End file.
